Just Kidding?

Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Iams dog chow for my loyal pet, Buddy, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant?

So since I'm crippled and have little else to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Iams Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Iams kibbles and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionallycomplete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the checkout line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dogfood poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's behind and a car hit us both. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask crippled people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.